Burned
by ABV
Summary: Sequel to Playing with Fire, this one is dark though, so don't expect it to be funny like its predecessor. It is going to be a rough ride but there might be light at the end of the tunnel if you can handle the journey ;-). Hope some of you will still join me on this story, and might even find comfort in it...
1. Darkness

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, only my imagination**

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_**Chapter 1 - Darkness**_

The room was dark... her soul felt the same... she didn't want any light now, she could not stand it... she was numb to the world around her... her senses were not perceiving anything... normally she would be fascinated by the sounds of the leaves and the branches moving together in the wind outside... nowadays she just didn't care... all she wanted to do was cry... lie on the floor and wait for the tears to stop falling... but they wouldn't... whenever she would catch a breath and calm down a bit, a single thought would send her right back into feeling so much pain it was unbearable, so she cried... and sobbed... uncontrollably... she felt that the pain was so excruciating she would not be able to take any more of it, but her body was still breathing... she was still there... her cells were being given oxygen to survive... but her soul was dying... There was no life in Maura's eyes anymore...

Hours had passed... her body was starting to shiver from the cold... she got off the floor to take a blanket, and went back to her yoga mat to curl up again... she felt like a wounded animal that was pushed into a dark hole and had stopped trying to get out of it, had stopped fighting to survive and was just curled up in the corner of that hole waiting for the end to come... she felt like a little puppy that was left all alone with nobody there to help it, protect it, encourage it... she felt all alone...

_Why?_ That was the only thought in her head. _Why? Why did it have to be like this?... why did I open up?... why can't I be happy?... why can't I have love?... why doesn't she love me?... I miss her... so much... I miss her embrace... I miss the connection we had... I miss having her close to me... I miss her lips... I wish she would come and take away this pain... She's the only one who can take away my pain..._ and with that thought the pain became stronger, overwhelming, almost unbearable, so immense in its intensity that every single inch of her body, inside and out was hurting, that every single part of her being was in pain, her heart was shattered into pieces and she did not have the strength to try and put it back together...

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Maura felt too much light on her face, it was morning, her brain was awake but her eyes were not ready to open. She turned to the other side, away from the sun, and curled up in a fetal position... more time passed, she didn't care how much. When she finally decided to open her eyes, the first thing they saw was her yoga mat next to the wall. She did not remember when she transferred to bed, she did not care. She slowly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale and drawn, her eyes... dark and empty, there was no joy for life left in them. She slowly washed her face and went into the kitchen. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion, she took a cup and placed it under the coffee machine. She turned the machine on and stood there waiting for the water to heat up. She pushed the button and looked right through the brown liquid filling her cup. It felt like her brain was not registering anything, she felt like somebody else was moving her body instead of her, her brain did not feel to be controlling her hands and legs. Like some kind of a robot reacting to somebody's push of a button she saw her hand reach out and take hold of the cup. She felt her body move through the room and then she felt a mixture of cold breeze and sunrays on her skin. She sat down in the rocking chair, and saw the cup get closer to her eyes as her hand brought it up to take a sip. Then she felt this suddenly awkward sensation of a liquid filling her mouth. She felt her esophagus contract and the liquid went inside leaving some kind of a taste in her mouth. It wasn't the taste she was familiar with, it was different… everything was different, water, coffee, food... nothing tasted the same. She heard a voice inside her telling her that she should eat something but she felt too sick to her stomach to handle any food, she hadn't felt like eating anything the past five days, fruit was the only thing her body was able to take. She was sitting there, her eyes looking upfront but not really seeing anything. There was a lake in front of her, forest all around; the sun was caressing the surface of the water as the wind was playing with the leaves. This is what Maura's eyes should have been seeing had they been able to be aware of what was around. The scientist in her should have been analyzing the very complexity of human body, using this situation to explain how brain and emotions are so connected that sometimes the brain trammels the emotions just as much as the emotions can trammel the activity of the brain. Yes, the scientist in her should have been thinking and analyzing... but the activity of her brain was being too trammeled by the emotions right now.

"I don't feel it", Jane said quietly looking at the floor. "How I feel with you is different from anything else I have ever felt in my life, it's so easy to be with you, I feel so secure and it feels right to be with you and yet I don't feel in love, I don't feel that crazy love I've felt with other people. I've been madly in love before Maura, and I don't feel that way with you. I'm confused. What does it mean? Why can't I feel those same things?"

Maura was remembering the conversation that changed her life, it happened five days ago. She was now sitting on that porch looking to the far distance, her vision blurred by watery eyes. She slowly closed her eyelids and felt tears begin their way down her cheeks, slowly moving lower and lower as if they were trying to collect all her pain along the way. She felt them leave her face just to be followed by another set starting from her eyes again. "I don't feel that way with you" was a line echoing in her head causing her body to create more and more tears... So she sat there... for hours... letting the tears wash away the pain… Hoping, they would wash away the pain…


	2. The Fall

Chapter 2 – The Fall

The sun was high in the sky, Maura was still holding the coffee cup in her hand, she slowly got up and went inside to get some fruit. She came back out and sat down on the porch letting the sun give warmth to her body. She leaned her head back against the porch beam, her thoughts then went to another day, several weeks earlier, the morning that changed everything...

She woke up with Jane's body pressed against her naked back, Jane's arm wrapped around her, holding her close, breathing as one. Maura turned around, looked into Jane's beautiful brown eyes and smiled.

"Hey gorgeous", she said as she leaned forward and kissed Jane's lips.

Jane smiled, "Now that's what I call a good morning," she replied before letting their lips touch again.

Maura pulled away a bit and placed her hand on Jane's right cheek, caressing her skin and then moving her hair out of the way.

"I love your cheeks", she said as she leaned forward to touch Jane's right cheek with her lips. She let her lips move lower to Jane's neck and said, "I love your neck", before kissing it. Her hand then traced down Jane's body and as she moved her hand over Jane's belly and let her fingers rest on her bare back, she whispered softly "I love the feeling of your skin underneath my fingers", her lips catching Jane's in a lingering kiss. She then moved her hand slowly up Jane's body to get hold of her breast, she squeezed it gently and closed her eyes, with a heavy breath she said, "Gosh I adore your breasts". She leaned in to kiss Jane again and through the kiss she continued "and your pussy, I adore her too", making Jane laugh out loud as Maura let her hand move lower to play with Jane's velvet folds. She made the kiss deeper and let her tongue play with Jane's as her fingers started to make circle movements on her clit. Jane moaned, "Oh God" as Maura's fingers started putting more pressure on her bud making her wet and spread her legs wanting for more. Maura rolled on top of Jane and slid her thumb inside Jane, letting her body follow the movement of her finger. Jane loved that, she loved feeling Maura's body move on top of her in sync with her fingers inside her. Her thrusts were strong and hard, and when Maura used her other hand to touch Jane's clit again it made Jane moan a loud "Ohhh fuck" in Maura's ear while her arms were grabbing Maura's back trying to press her against her own body as much as possible. Maura kept on thrusting in and out of Jane as her left hand was mercilessly circling her clit, making Jane move her hips to meet every new thrust. "Yes… God… oh yeah, ahhhh" was all Jane could mutter as Maura kept on with her mission. Feeling Jane sink her nails into her back she knew the moment was getting close, and as she made a few last movements with her fingers on Jane's clit, she felt her tighten hard around her finger inside as her body started to convulse from pleasure. A long "Fuuuuuuuuck" came out of Jane's mouth as her body was climaxing in reaction to Maura's skillful hands. As Jane's body dropped heavily on the bed trying to relax, Maura continued to tease her clit with light touches making Jane's body twitch with every movement.

"Dear God Maura, you make me come so hard", Jane said out of breath as her hand went in search of Maura's to stop her hand moving on her clit. "I can't take anymore", she said smiling as she grabbed Maura's hand. Maura took her finger out of Jane, making her gasp. She used her hand to prop herself above Jane as she let her eyes roam around Jane's face, her lips, her nose, her cheeks.

Maura looked deeply into Jane's eyes, "I love you. I love your soul, and your heart, and your body, and your brain, I love all that is you", Maura said as she leaned forward and kissed Jane's lips, letting it reflect all the emotions she felt for this amazing woman. When their lips parted, Maura spoke before Jane could get any chance to speak. "And please don't say anything, I think that when people say 'I love you too' it's kind of forced, and then you always wonder if the other person would have said it without you saying it first. And research shows…"

"Oh no, you are not going to research now, not before I have my breakfast" Jane interrupted her. She was not really hearing Maura's words, she was still too much turned on by what Maura had done to her body to be able to process properly anything Maura was saying.

"Oh, well, I haven't had breakfast either" Maura stated.

"Yes you have" Jane replied as she flipped Maura onto the bed in one movement and in an instant placed herself between Maura's legs, plunging her hungry mouth onto Maura's pussy.

"Ohhh, th..at… bre...ak…fast…", Maura had trouble replying as she arched her back from the bed, letting her body savor every touch of Jane's tongue on her clit. "Ohhhh my God" Maura was panting, her fingers entangled in Jane's hair pushing her own crotch against Jane's skillful mouth. When Jane slipped two fingers inside her, Maura let go of her head, one hand grabbing the side of the bed while the other held on to the bed frame behind her. "Dear God…" "ohhh… Jane!" Maura knew she would come fast as she was already close to climaxing while she was on top of Jane. Now her tongue felt so good, the thought itself would make Maura come easily, having to feel it for real was sending her mind and body into a spin. A few long strokes of Jane's tongue and her fingers curling up to touch the pleasure bulge inside Maura sent her body over the edge. Her hips were moving violently and Jane was trying to push her onto the bed so she can finish what she was doing. "God!... Jane… stop…please… I can't… anymore", Maura was trying to separate her crotch from the firm pressure of Jane's mouth but her tries were in vain as Jane's skillful tongue started sending her into another climax. Maura couldn't fight Jane anymore, her body was too busy reacting to Jane's touch, her back arched from the bed only to fall back again as her head and shoulders leaped forward, her whole body shaking violently and loud moans coming out of her throat. Maura's body became limp, her breath still extremely fast and heavy, trying to recover. Jane knew how intense Maura's orgasms were and she knew it was time to stop, she separated her mouth from Maura, wiped it off with her hand and moved forward to kiss Maura's lips.

"Not fair" Jane said, "You came too fast".

Maura laughed, "Well, it's your fault, you're the one who turns me on so damn much."

"Ahh, everything is always my fault" Jane replied.

"It is!" Maura exclaimed.

They both laughed.

"Come on let's get something to eat, I'm starving". Jane said and pressed her lips against Maura's.

"Yeah, I'm starving too, but I can't move until you move, you know", Maura said with a grin, slapping Jane's butt cheek.

"Oh I see, all my fault. Again!" Jane replied as she kissed Maura again and rolled out of bed dragging Maura out as well. They both giggled and headed towards the kitchen.


	3. Lost

Chapter 3 – Lost

"This place is full of incapable do-nothings! Is there anybody here who can do their job properly?!", Korsak heard yelling from the office.

"Here we go again"_, _he whispered to himself with a heavy sigh. "Jane" he exclaimed with a firm voice upon entering the room.

"What, Korsak!?" Jane snapped at him.

"Can I have a word?", Korsak continued in a firm, serious tone and a stern look on his face.

"I'm a bit busy here, Korsak!" Jane continued, practically yelling.

Korsak came closer to her so that only Jane could hear him, and with a harsh and determined tone he said, "Either you come with me to the observation room, right now! Or I'm gonna speak my mind in front of everybody here!"

Jane saw firmness in his approach and knew he would do it. Exposing her private matters to everybody was not something she wanted to happen. "Fine!", she replied through her teeth and headed towards the door.

Korsak closed the door of the observation room behind him facing Jane who stood there with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face.

"What do you want Korsak!?"

"Jane, this needs to stop, you've been acting like this for days, you are going to get yourself suspended or fired. What the hell is going on!? Maura resigned and disappeared, and you are acting like a complete lunatic!"

"Nothing happened! Everything is fine, just peachy!", Jane replied snappishly.

"Jane, you can try to fool me but you know you can't. Something's up, you are not yourself. I care about you and I'm telling you this behavior will not end up well for you, Cavanaugh has already started thinking about suspension. Why don't you just take a few days off, and go take care of yourself, process whatever it is you need to process", Korsak tried to get to her in a calm and soft voice.

"I can't", Jane whispered as her shoulders sank, "I can't deal with it, I need to keep on working".

Korsak came closer, "You know you can always talk to me if you need to".

"I know" Jane whispered.

Korsak was a bit taken aback by the sudden change in Jane's demeanor, she seemed so vulnerable now, vulnerable in a different way from her previous Hoyt induced states.

Korsak put his hands on Jane's upper arms, "Go home Jane, it is obvious you need to deal with something, running away from it is not the answer. Korsak paused for a second, reluctant to continue but he knew he needed to get to her, and knew exactly how. "Or are you saying you are too afraid to deal with it?"

Jane didn't reply.

_Oh my, this is more serious than I thought_, "Jane, you faced your fears about Hoyt, how can this, whatever it is, be worse than that?"

"It just is…" Jane replied quietly.

Korsak took a long breath, "Come on, I'll drive you home, you can get some rest and I will come back after work, we can have a chat about it if you want or I'll just serve as a distraction and a beer companion".

"Ok" was the only thing Jane said, causing Korsak to become even more worried.

As he watched Jane enter her apartment without turning around to wave at him, Korsak took his phone, "Angela, are you still in the cafeteria? Great, can you wait for me there, I need to speak with you."

Jane closed the door behind her and looked around her apartment, everything here reminded her of Maura, everything at work reminded her of Maura, and if she closed her eyes, it was Maura she saw. She slowly walked towards the sofa and slumped onto it. Her eyes focused on the door as if she was expecting it to open. She closed her eyes and a memory of Maura walking in cheerfully started playing in front of her eyes.

"Jane, I had the most amazing day, my set of Human Body Encyclopedias arrived, I am so excited! Jane where are you?"

Jane laughed out loud as she appeared from her bedroom, "Only you can be so excited about thousands of pages of paper."

"Of course I'm excited, there are so many images made with new technology, some of these things have never been seen before, it allows us insight into the world unknown so far!"

Jane smiled as she put her arm around Maura's back and pulled her close to her "You are so cute" she said as she leaned in to kiss Maura. The sensation of Maura's lips was still so embedded in Jane's mind she could almost feel the softness of the kiss. Tears started coming out of Jane's closed eyes, and she did not try to stop them… Every evening since that day, Jane would sit on a sofa, surrounded by physical and mental memories of Maura, and let tears fall down her face…

"Angela, something is very wrong with Jane, she is completely lost, and Maura simply disappeared. I think something very serious happened between the two of them."

"Yes, Vince, something very serious happened but I can't tell you about it, it's something Jane needs to tell you herself if she wants. I've been trying to talk to her for days but she has been shutting me down, she refuses to open up and deal with it."

Korsak nodded, "Maybe today will be different, I pushed her to go home for the rest of the day because she was yelling in the office at people again".

"I know, I heard about it" Angela replied worriedly, "I'm glad you managed to get through to her, she's been trying to run away from her own feelings but it hasn't been working, she has been jeopardizing her job, I tried to make her realize that but she never listens to me".

"I've never seen her like this, I've seen her in many dangerous, scary situations, I've seen what fear of Hoyt had done to her, but she has never seemed this lost", Korsak said worriedly.

Angela sighed, "You are right, she has never been this lost. I'll try to talk to her later in the afternoon, maybe finally she will be willing to talk to me".

"I told her I would stop by after work to hang out for a bit, please let me know if you think I should leave her alone."

"Sure, thanks Korsak for taking care of her."

Korsak smiled and hugged Angela, "We'll get her through this" he said in a determined manner, squeezing Angela's shoulders, "Deal?"

Angela laughed and replied "Deal!"

Jane was lying curled up on the sofa with a big pile of used tissues surrounding her. She thought there was some kind of noise reaching her ears but she wasn't sure what it was. She lifted her head up a bit and heard her mom yell through the door.

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I know you are here, open the door. I can do this the whole night if I have to, I have no intention of leaving." Jane got off the sofa and stumbled towards the door. She opened the door, "Mom…" was the only thing she could say as she started crying again, Angela quickly pulled Jane in a tight embrace "It's ok, honey, I'm here".


	4. The Truth

Chapter 4 – The Truth

Jane's hands were tightly squeezing a tea mug her mom had prepared, her head was down and her gaze fixed on the floor in front of her.

"I cannot help you if you don't tell me what's wrong" Angela tried.

A few minutes passed and there was still no reaction from Jane, she took a sip from her mug, her jaw shaking as more tears fell down her cheek.

"Honey, you are obviously in a lot of pain, you will feel better if you get it out of your system, you need to get it out, for your own sake, you need to let it out".

Still no reply.

Angela sighed heavily, stood up and started walking towards the kitchen.

"She's in love with me", Angela heard behind her back. Angela closed her eyes, _Finally,_ she thought and turned around.

"Maura is in love with me. That wonderful, smart, amazing, beautiful and sexy woman is in love with me and I can't tell her I love her too. Just the thought of it makes me panic. When I was in love before I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. With her I've been feeling so wonderful and different from anything else I had experienced before and yet it doesn't feel like being in love the way I am familiar with it."

Angela sat down in front of her daughter, "You know we love differently every time we fall in love, that's the beauty of it, not only does every person bring out something different in us, but our life's journey changes us. In every new relationship you also have new you present, with a lot of new things you have experienced since your previous relationship. Good and bad things, which change us. It's normal, it's the course of life, we never love two people in the same way, that's where the charm is, don't you think it would be boring if it was the same?"

"I guess", Jane replied, "But it doesn't help me be less confused. I want to be crazy about her, why can't I be crazy about her".

"You know, you WERE crazy about her when you were just friends" Jane looked up,

"I was?"

"Oh, yes it was so obvious, I'm surprised neither of the two of you realized it".

Jane looked at her mother, "That's even more confusing then, why don't I feel the same now?"

Angela took Jane's hand and said softly, "Fear, honey? Maybe because Maura is the first person you can truly be yourself with. Maura has seen you in your worst and your best moments, she has seen you go into dangerous situations, she will not ask you to quit your job and is proud of you being a detective. Maybe because with Maura you can finally dream of everything you wanted to have, a family and your job, I can already see her talking to your children about their mom Jane being a hero", Angela smiled to herself at the thought. "Honey, sometimes we get scared when we suddenly CAN have all we ever dreamed of because usually we don't get the things we want, and we are so used to that feeling of disappointment and yearning for our dreams to come true, and it's only normal that when we get the chance to grab them, we don't know how to do it, we get paralyzed, and lost, and scared. Maybe you are also afraid of losing it all, because what if you get all you ever wanted and then lose it. Fear is a very powerful paralyzer, it can easily stop us from reaching the heights we were destined for. Face your fears my dear, don't let them stand in your way" Angela finished, squeezing Jane's hand.

_Children, fears, be myself, destined for, losing, dreams…_ fragments of what her mom had just told her kept on going through Jane's head as she buried it into her hands.

"Everything is so messed up, why can't it be easy, I just want it all to be easy…"

"Oh honey, nobody has things easy, everybody is faced with their own fears in life, it is all about learning and growing, time has come for you to change, but growth and change usually come from immense pain, that is why you need to go through this process, and you will come out a new person, with clearer vision and more strength and determination to reach out and go after your dreams."

For a moment there, Angela's words made Jane hope it was true, "Maybe you should switch to being a motivational speaker ma".

"Really? You think I would be good at that?" Angela replied all excited, which made Jane smile.

"Well, if this helps me figure things out, you'll have my blessing", Jane replied with a soft smile.

A doorbell interrupted them.

"Oh, this must be Korsak, I forgot to send him a message not to come. Do you want me to send him away?"

"No, it's fine, I'd like to talk to him" Jane replied.

"Hi, Vince, come on in", Angela moved aside so that Korsak could enter.

"How is she?" Korsak whispered passing by.

Angela smiled, "Better".

Korsak closed his eyes in relief, "Good" he whispered before turning around to go to Jane.

"So, detective, are you done yelling for the day?" he teased.

Jane smiled, "Sorry about that".

"Ah, don't worry about me, but you might have quite a few people trying to avoid you once you get back to work, though".

"Some of them are really annoying anyway" Jane replied in a more relaxed manner.

Korsak laughed and sat down.

"Would you like something to drink, Vince?", Angela offered.

"I'll have a beer, thanks, one for Jane too?" Korsak said questioningly looking at Jane.

"Sure, one for me too", Jane replied.

Angela walked to the fridge and came back with two beer bottles, "Here you are, I'll leave you two to chat, I gotta go run to the store".

"Ok, ma" Jane replied and got up to hug Angela, "Thanks, ma" she whispered in her ear.

Angela smiled, and placed her hand on Jane's cheek "I'll be back later".

As Angela closed the door behind her, Korsak took a sip of his beer. "So, you wanna tell me what has happened with you and Maura?" Korsak asked cautiously.

Jane gave him a questioning look.

"Oh come on, one doesn't need to be a detective to figure out this all has something to do with Maura, she resigned and disappeared out of the blue, and at the same time your behavior has drastically changed."

Jane took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Maura and I…" she started explaining but found it hard to say it out loud.

Korsak finished for her "…were a couple, yes I know that".

Jane was surprised and puzzled, "How? How did you know? Oh my God, was it that obvious?", there was a dose of panic in her voice.

"Relax Jane, nobody else knows, I just know you too well not to figure it out".

Jane nodded, it made sense.

"So, what happened?" Korsak asked again.

"I broke her heart", Jane said with pain in her voice.

"You seem pretty broken yourself" Korsak replied.

Jane sighed heavily, "I'm just so confused… I feel lost, I don't understand anything, I don't understand myself. I just want to feel in love with her and I don't. Why can't I feel anything?"

Korsak moved to sit next to her, "It's probably several things, you know. Your life has been full of traumatic experiences, and whether you like to accept it or not it has taken its toll on you, your romantic involvements haven't been that successful either, you know. It's not easy to think you've found love and then have it disappear all of a sudden. It damages you, and you still keep on hoping it will come for months and years until one day you get tired of waiting and hoping and just develop a defense mechanism against that hope which shows up when you need it the least."

Jane laughed, "Yeah, if my defense mechanism decided to crop up it sure did pick the worst possible timing. Ma's thoughts were similar to yours, she thinks it's fear that's blocking me, fear of getting what I've always wanted, and fear of losing if I start to hope again."

"Your mom is a smart lady." Korsak smiled. "One other possibility that you should consider is the fact that you wouldn't want anybody at the station to know, am I right?"

Jane looked at him "You know how those people are, the jokes would never end, this is all new to me, I am not ready for everybody else to know".

Korsak nodded, "It's perfectly normal to feel like that, and I'm sure Maura would not ask of you to make it public until you felt comfortable with it."

"Of course she wouldn't but I felt pressure to hide everything, I was constantly worrying somebody would find out, and that people would be mean to her, and to me, and to ma, even to you…"

"Oh Jane, you have to stop trying to protect everybody, your mom would put them in their place, you know that, Maura too, she can be really feisty sometimes, as for me, I would just punch them and all would be solved."

Jane laughed, "You would not!"

"Of course I would, some of those douchebags have had it coming for a while, I could use you as a pretext to just make them pay for all the previous idiotisms."

Jane laughed wholeheartedly, "Well I'll be sure to let you know when I plan to come out so you can make a list."

Korsak raised his eyebrows, "So, you're already talking about coming out, boy I'm good, maybe I should change careers and become a shrink".

Jane laughed again, "You can join my mom, I told her she could be a motivational speaker".

Now it was Korsak's turn to laugh, "You know, I actually think she would be good at that."

Jane agreed and smiled, "She probably would."

"But back to you, Jane. What I think you should do is just ask yourself, what it is that you want, what are you afraid of and why. Explore your feelings and fears, face them, don't run away, by running away you gain nothing but lose so much. Facing things is difficult but it will be rewarding in the end. You know that right before my third marriage I almost ran away, I was standing there waiting for Melody and the ceremony to start and I felt so much fear I just wanted to run, and I wasn't a young teenager who should have had cold feet. Sometimes fear just crawls in, I didn't listen to it and I ended up having a wonderful marriage. Well up to a certain point…" Jane laughed together with Korsak at that last comment.

"The bottom line is, look fear straight in the eye and face it, and jump, despite of not knowing where the water stream will take you, jump in without checking for what lies ahead, jump in and swim, and you will experience great and wonderful things, I promise you."

And with that sentence Korsak put his arms around Jane. Pulling away he added, "Or you can always stay on the shore, just look at the water and be scared to jump in and be bored out of your wits, your choice."

"Ha-ha very funny Korsak" Jane replied as she lightly hit his shoulder with her fist.

"It's nice to see you smiling again, I'll stop by tomorrow for another pep talk, we need to keep that smile on."

Jane hugged him again, "Thanks, Korsak" and said goodbye. She sat back down on her sofa and took a deep breath, Jo Friday jumped in her lap, "Well, Jo Friday, looks like I have some soul searching to do, plenty actually. I wish Maura was here, I could always so easily talk to her, I miss talking to her… I miss her so much Jo Friday…"


	5. Fear

**_So... it's been a long time... my own personal ride has been a difficult one... but I have decided to finish this journey I started, so expect new chapters over the next days. I know this story is hard and I'm sending a big thank you to those of you who are deciding to stick with it..._**

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Chapter 5 - Fear

It was 3 pm, Maura was still in bed, getting out of it was a huge effort for her these days. She had no desire to work, go out for a walk, watch TV, listen to music, do yoga, go into a spa... She couldn't find joy in anything anymore. Nothing felt a part of her, she did not feel herself and she did not have the willingness to try and fix it... The room was dark, she looked at the watch not really caring what time it was, and just turned to the other side, curling up to cry again, the pain was just too much, tears were the only way she was able to process it... It was Saturday, but Maura was not aware of it, she had been staying at the cottage for fifteen days. Fifteen days that she had spent going over and over the same words in her head, trying to understand why..., why she wasn't enough... why Jane could not love her... what she should have done differently... would it had made any difference... She felt so alone..., and all she wanted was to have Jane snuggle next to her and tell her that everything was going to be OK...

_Where is that sound coming from?_, Maura turned on her back to be able to hear better with both ears. It sounded like her front door, but she just wasn't sure what reality was anymore. She listened again, the banging became stronger. Maura looked at her watch, 11 am. She slowly got out of bed, stumbled towards the door and opened it, half aware of what was happening, where she was and what she was doing.

"Hi!", she heard the well known voice.

"How did you find me?", Maura replied as her eyes met the eyes of the visitor.

Jane felt like the air was pushed out of her lungs, the woman standing in front of her was a shadow of the person she knew. She had visibly lost quite some weight in those fifteen days, her eyes… emptiness and pain… immense pain… that is what Jane saw... She swallowed hard, and managed to utter a reply with a weak smile "I'm a detective, remember." Maura's face did not change a bit, like there was no life in her at all. Jane noticed the darkness in the room behind Maura.

"You shouldn't have come", Maura replied looking at the ground.

"I miss my friend, Maura."

"I miss the kisses, the snuggles, touching your skin, holding your hand…, don't you miss that?", Maura lifted her eyes up and looked at Jane.

Jane didn't reply, it was her turn to direct her eyes towards the ground. "I need some time to figure things out, Maura, but I miss your friendship".

"I can't be your friend right now", Maura replied, "What? You want me to suddenly stop loving you and pretend we are only friends? I will not put myself through that torture. I cannot just push a button and voila, I'm not in love with you anymore… ", her voice becoming a bit more agitated.

Jane wasn't sure what to say. "I know, I can't push the button either, it works both ways, you know."

"You should leave", Maura replied coldly.

"Maura, I don't think I can live without you in my life, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met, I just…"

Maura interrupted her "I'm amazing, but you can't love me? It doesn't make me feel any better Jane, it makes you feel better to say it, but I get nothing out of those words, it makes no sense to me. Please, Jane, just go…"

Jane just stood there, staring at the ground. "OK", she just said, and turned around, she paused for a few seconds and turned back as the doors came to a silent close in front of her. Jane turned around again and walked slowly off the porch, towards her car. Everything felt surreal, it was as if she wasn't present in her own body. She got into the car and drove off. She didn't know what she was feeling but she didn't like it at all. It was too strong, it was too much. _That pain, that emptiness, I can't deal with all that._ Jane thought to herself. _Should I go back? I can't... What am I going to say to her? What can I say to take away that pain?_ Jane knew she couldn't, only love can heal such pain, and she wasn't sure what she was feeling. So she just kept on driving…

Maura closed the door, for a second she thought of going over to the window to look at the woman she still adored, one more time, but she decided it was not a good idea, the words Jane had told her fifteen days ago were ringing in her head "We are just not in the same place, Maura". Maura didn't hear the car drive off, maybe her ears did, but the brain did not process it, she just got into the safest place she knew right now, her bed, and pulled the covers over her head…


	6. Fighting

_Chapter 6 – Fighting_

Another week, two weeks, had passed, Maura wasn't sure... She was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. _Enough of this self-pity, if she doesn't want me, it's her loss! I am smart, sexy and cute. I am amazing! I am strong and I am confident, and I know my own worth! _"It's time to reclaim your life back Maura Isles!", Maura exclaimed to herself as she jumped out of bed. She pulled the curtains to the side and saw wonderful sunny weather luring her out. "Let's go out for a walk!", she said to herself in an encouraging tone. "You are going to be your own best friend now, and you will get out of this dark hole you found yourself in!"

As she stepped outside, the soft breeze touched her face and Maura closed her eyes. Trying to feel the beauty of it, she couldn't quite enjoy it the way she used to, but it was the first step. She took another step forward and into the sun, letting the yellow brightness caress her skin and enjoying the warmth of its touches… Maura took a deep breath of the forest freshness and set out on her walk, on her quest for inspiration. She walked around, she admired the beauty of the trees, and allowed the soothing color of the leaves to give her calmness. She sat down by the lake and observed the birds flying around, moving from branches to the lake, then jumping around the green grass. _The nature is so beautiful, calming and inspiring. I am a part of that nature, I am a part of that beauty, I need to allow my soul to shine again, I need to find myself again, I need to find a way to get back the person I used to be…_ With those thoughts Maura slowly got up and headed back to the cabin. She stepped inside and looked at the mess in front of her. "Ah, I should clean that up! But I don't feel like doing that right now…" _It's OK, you don't have to do it right now, do what you feel like doing, _was the thought that came to her mind_. _It was as if a guardian angel was whispering into her ears, guiding her towards the path she needed to get on.

_I need to do something productive_, she thought_. _And then all of a sudden she remembered an article she was thinking of writing for the Journal of Forensic Medicine. She sat down at her computer and started working on it. Several hours had past and Maura was still engrossed in the PC screen. Her brain was finally stimulated by something and she had forgotten about everything else. She straightened her back and stretched her arms upwards. She looked outside, it was late afternoon but the sun was still making its way through the leaves. Maura decided it was time for a break, she made a cup of tea and went outside on the porch. As she was looking at the calm surface of the water and the sunlight dancing on it, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. She was proud of herself, she felt like she had done something worthy today, after so many days of feeling worthless, she finally felt something else, she finally remembered what it was like to feel something else. But Maura knew she was facing a real battle now, and yes, she knew it was going to be a long and a hard one, she knew that it will take her a long time to win this battle, and it was not a scientist in her who knew that, it was Maura, the emotional being who knew herself very well, and who knew that when she loves, it is deep and complete and she invests everything she has within her. Yes, she knew it will take a long time to recover, but at least she had made the most important step, the first one. And with that thought Maura let the rest of the tears come out as they wished, to wash away the pain which she knew would be her companion for the months to come…


	7. Running

_Chapter 7 – Running_

"Any news?", Korsak asked as he was taking his cup of coffee from Angela's hand.

"Same as always, she just sends a message, _I'm alive, stop calling ma_, and that's it. I don't even know where she is! I don't know what happened! I don't know anything!" Angela replied, her voice a mixture of worry and anger.

"Jane can take care of herself, you know that."

"I know, but I'm also worried about Maura, I don't know absolutely anything about her, Jane at least sends something, Maura has completely disappeared. You know those two are acting like children, once I get them both in front of me they will both hear me! Making me worry so much…"

"Do you think we should do something, to get them to talk to each other, make an intervention of some kind…?", Korsak asked blowing at his hot coffee.

"I'm not sure that would be a good idea, I have a feeling we just need to let them work this out on their own."

Korsak nodded, "I better go upstairs, see you later Angela, and let me know if there are any news".

"Sure thing Vince."

* * *

Jane was sitting in her car, looking into the distance, her eyes lost, she buried her head into her hands, "I cannot deal with this, I don't know how to deal with this, it's too much, it's too many emotions, I just want to forget about it all."

After the visit to Maura she drove back home, packed some things and just drove off, somewhere, anywhere, just away from everything. Now she was sitting parked on the side of the road, trying to figure out what to do. "I don't know what to do!", she yelled out in frustration, started the car and stepped on the gas. She turned the radio full on and sang along out loud, trying desperately to forget about everything. _New York, that's a place where you can forget about all your worries, _she thought to herself. So she headed to New York, to forget about the pain, the emotions, the fear and everything else she should be facing. It was just easier to block it all and pretend it wasn't there. She parked her car in front of the NYPD building. Stepped out and turned away from the building.

"Take a few beers and just forget about all your worries Jane" she told herself and headed towards one of the bars across the street. She sat at the bar and ordered the first beer. It didn't take long to hear her name called out.

"Jane, Jane Rizzoli? What the heck are you doing in NY? Don't you have enough of your own murders to solve, did you come here to steal my work too?"

Jane turned around and saw a tall, handsome man in front of her. "Oh my God, John! I thought you were in the capital!", Jane stood up and gave him a hug.

"I transferred two years ago, to the homicide department here, how have you been?"

"Good, solving murders, drinking beer" Jane replied lifting her beer bottle with a smile.

"Well then, let's have some more and catch up, I bet you I have caught more bad guys than you!"

Jane laughed, "You're kidding right, you don't even want to play that game with me pal!

"We'll see", John replied smiling and lifted his bottle for a toast…

* * *

"Good morning, Angela, bright and sunny day outside, it's been two weeks, any news?"

"Yep", Angela replied and pointed her head towards the other end of the room.

"Really?" Korsak asked with surprise and turned around to look in the direction Angela pointed at.

Jane was standing there laughing wholeheartedly, in a conversation with a tall, dark-haired man, wearing an elegant black suit.

"Who the hell is that?" Korsak asked.

"Detective John Westerly", Angela replied with annoyance.

"Jane seems awfully close to him", Korsak replied puzzled.

"Yep, she does", Angela said, her voice still irritated, "Apparently, they are dating", Angela stated matter-of-factly.

"They are what!?", Korsak exclaimed, then closed his eyes and exhaled heavily with a sad tone in his voice "She chose to run…" Angela just nodded her head in silence, her eyes full of worry, directed at her daughter on the other side of the room… "Yes, she chose to run…"


	8. Feeling

Chapter 8 – Feeling

"So when are you coming down here, Maura!? I'm getting tired of asking? How many more Skype talks do we need to have for you to finally say "enough". Come on, you know you want to! You have spent three months at that cabin, enough of those journal articles already!", the woman on the other end exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

"Hey! Don't roll your eyes at my journal articles, it's the only thing that has kept me going", Maura replied.

"Well, fine, OK, the articles are great, I love them! But, now it's time to live a little! Europe is waiting for you! Paris, Rome, Madrid, oh and London! We will have so much fun and it will be good for you to get away from that cabin. Why are you just standing there, go and get down to packing! And if you don't do it, I swear I will come across the ocean and drag your cute little ass on board the first plane to Paris!"

Maura laughed genuinely, raised her hands up in a relinquishing manner and said, "Fine, I give up, no need to use force, I'll go buy a ticket and start packing."

"Yay!" the woman on Maura's Skype screen clapped her hands together in excitement. "Oh, it's gonna be so cool!"

Maura smiled, "Thanks Emma."

"For what, you know I'm doing this for myself, I just want to have some fuuun!"

Maura laughed again.

Emma looked at her and said, "Honey, you know I'm always there for you, OK?"

Maura nodded her head and smiled.

"Now get your ass here a.s.a.p. so I can finally give you a proper hug!"

Maura smiled and said "I will need a lot of hugs".

"Excellent! That's why I'm here for! You are aware though that my hand will often stray to your butt, right!? There is no way I can control that!"

Maura laughed again. "You are incorrigible!"

Emma smiled and said, "See you soon then?"

"Yep, I'll let you know when the flight is."

"Cool! Bye for now gorgeous!" Emma said waving at her screen.

Maura smiled and waved back, "Bye dear, see you soon."

As the screen closed Emma sighed heavily, "Geez, this woman did a real number on her. I wish I could find Ms Jane Rizzoli and tell her what a moron she is!"

She shook her head and took her phone. _So have you bought the ticket, yet!? _An immediate reply came, _Flying out tomorrow evening, will be there_ _Friday around 10 am._

Emma let out a joyous "yay" and quickly typed back_, Magnifique! s_miling broadly. "You'll be fine Maura Isles", Emma said out loud, "You'll be fine" she repeated nodding her head in agreement as if she wanted to reinforce her own determination to make that happen.

* * *

Jane was sitting at her desk, looking at the PC screen, pretending to work but her mind was elsewhere. Her phone buzzed and she looked at the screen, the message was from John, she didn't feel like reading it, she didn't feel like seeing him today. She lifted her hands up and put them on her forehead, rubbing the temples with her thumbs. She took a deep breath and unlocked the phone. _Fancy a drink before going home? We are at the Dirty Robber. _

Jane started typing, _I'll take a rain check, have a bad headache, see you tomorrow._

_OK, go get some rest *heart*._

Jane was looking at the heart symbol at the end of John's message and felt annoyed by it. She took another deep breath, grabbed her keys and her jacket and headed out.

Jo Friday's barking greeted her at the door as she came inside her apartment. "Hey, girl, how are you doing" she picked up the dog and put her arms around her. Jo Friday licked Jane's cheek, Jane smiled and hugged her even more tightly. "At least you still love me, come on let's get you dinner". She put the dog on the ground and headed towards the kitchen. As she was putting the food in Jo Friday's bowl, a conversation with her mom started flashing in her mind.

Angela was standing in Jane's kitchen, her arms crossed with sparks coming out of her eyes. "No, Jane I do not understand! A month ago you were kissing Maura and now suddenly you are sleeping with this… John guy!" her tone of voice was clearly showing she did not like the man and Angela was not trying to hide it.

"What I do with my life is none of your business, ma!", Jane yelled back.

"It is when you are refusing to act like an adult!"

"Oh, so I'm acting like a child because I like a guy!"

"You are acting like a child because you are hiding and running, instead of facing your emotions! You will not be able to run forever, Jane. It will come back to bite you in that stubborn ass of yours and then it will be even more scary than it is now!"

"Oh don't be so dramatic, ma, some expert on relationships you are!" Jane yelled with annoyance but realized immediately what she had said.

Angela's eyes showed how hurt she was.

"Ma, I didn't…" Jane tried to say but Angela interrupted her coldly.

"…Don't say I didn't warn you!" she simply said and stormed towards the door, slamming them as she exited.

Jane bent downwards and placed the bowl on the ground.

"Here girl", she said as she stroked her dog's back. She took a beer from the fridge and went to sit on the couch. She leaned her head back and sighed heavily, closing her eyes. _How the hell am I going to fix this mess? _Jo Friday jumped on the couch next to her, Jane looked at her dog and asked her "How the hell am I going to fix my life, Jo Friday".

The dog barked.

"Oh, girl, I wish I could understand what you are saying", Jane said as Jo Friday placed her head on Jane's thigh, and looked at Jane with her cute, big eyes. The moment made Jane's eyes watery, she smiled weakly as the tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"Ma was right, you know, at the most important moment of my life I acted like a complete idiot and a coward."

She lifted her bottle, "Here's to Jane Rizzoli, the woman who managed to screw up the most beautiful thing in her life."

Jo Friday let out a whimpering sound which made Jane cry even more as she placed the beer on the table, took her dog and wrapped her arms around it, trying desperately to find some comfort. "I miss her so much Jo Friday, I wish Maura was here so I could just put my arms around her and tell her how much I love her." And with those words, Jane started crying even more…


	9. Stumbling

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while... it's proven to be hard to finish the journey of this story but I hope this time I will. What life has taught me is that everything happens exactly when it is supposed to happen :-).**

Chapter 9 – Stumbling

* * *

_Oh my… she looks even worse than she does over Skype_, Emma thought to herself looking at her friend approaching.

"You look great, Maura!" she exclaimed with a broad smile on her face.

"Liar!" Maura replied giving her friend a big hug. "I have a mirror, you know."

"Yeah, ok, you look absolutely dreadful!" Emma moved away a bit, "How much have you lost, eighteen… twenty pounds?"

"About twenty-two actually, 10 kg to be exact."

"Jesus Christ, Maura! Is she really worth this?" Emma asked worriedly.

Maura just took a deep sigh and shrugged her shoulders, "She's the love of my life so far Emma. I opened up, I allowed myself to dream about happiness, love, family… and now I am forced to live without her… without all that… I am doing the best I can… I am surviving..."

"She's not worth all that pain." Emma replied adamantly.

Maura didn't reply, looking at the ground.

Emma grabbed Maura's shoulders and forced her to look at her. "She IS NOT worth all that pain! You do realize that!?" she repeated.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!? You still love her!? You are still waiting for her to come back and miraculously start loving you!? Snap out of it Maura! She is not the only woman on this planet!" she continued.

Emma knew she was being a bit harsh but seeing this shadow of a person her friend has become made her so angry, and sad, and scared; she has never seen Maura like this.

"She is to me." Maura replied, tears welling up in her eyes.

Emma sighed heavily and put her arm around Maura, "Come on dear, let's go to my apartment, coffee, croissants and some nice French wine will make you feel all better."

_This is more serious than I figured_, Emma thought to herself as she led Maura towards her car.

* * *

"I miss me…" Maura said in a low voice before taking a sip of wine. "I miss the person I used to be, I feel so weak, you've seen how emotional I am, I just cannot hold back tears..."

"…and you shouldn't, it's better that you are crying, let it all come out, you need to cleanse your body from all the pain."

"But I am so annoyed by myself, don't you think I want to forget about her, get over it all, and move on? Something's not letting me do it, I have this feeling she will come back to me and that I have to wait and keep on loving her."

"What a load of BS!" Emma replied harshly.

"I feel like she's my soulmate, you don't abandon your soulmate, no matter what you stick with them and wait for them to find their way" Maura tried to explain.

"Oh, please!" Emma rolled her eyes. "I will say it again Maura, she is not the only woman on this planet! You are holding onto a woman who doesn't want you when there are so many gorgeous women out there who would be grateful you entered into their lives, women who would see your worth, who would appreciate all your traits and would cherish the amazing, wonderful and beautiful person you are."

"If I was so amazing how come she couldn't love me? That's what I can't understand, that's what I'm trying to understand, and I can't!" Maura replied her voice shaking a bit.

"Why do you think the problem is in you?" Emma asked.

"Well what else am I supposed to think?" Maura replied a bit puzzled.

"Honey, are you forgetting how many men and women were crazy about you? You are a catch, my dear! And the Maura I knew, was well aware of that fact! You were the one choosing your partners before, you were the one in power. How is it possible that one woman has made all of your confidence disappear in thin air?"

"I don't know" Maura replied quietly.

"Well hasn't it occurred to you that she's the one with a problem here? She's the one with issues, she's the one incapable of loving and recognizing what a gem she had by her side." Emma said taking Maura's hand and continued

"It's her loss Maura, she's the one missing out on the most wonderful woman and all you have to offer."

Maura smiled weakly and sighed, "I will need to remind myself of that every day."

"We will work on it." Emma replied squeezing Maura's hand. "How about this, you get to be miserable until Monday, so you have today, tomorrow and Sunday to wallow in self-pity, but after that we are starting to have fun!"

Maura laughed "Actually I would like to go out for a walk now, it's nice and sunny and I feel like stretching my legs".

Emma clasped her hands in exhilaration, "Excellent! That's my girl! Physical activity is always the best way to beat the blues."

"Maybe we can do yoga as well at some point?" Maura asked. "I know it will help me, it always does, I just couldn't get myself to do it."

"Of course we can, whatever you need" Emma replied and smiled at her friend.

Maura felt safe, it was a good decision to come here, she was sure of it, she needed some help and support to get back on her feet.

"Thanks Emma" Maura smiled back at her, "I'm glad I came here".

"You should have come sooner, but you are here now! And as of now, your Emma therapy begins!"

Emma smiled broadly as she grabbed both of Maura's hands and pulled her up.

"On your feet missy, time for that walk!"


	10. Hurting

_**Chapter 10 – Hurting**_

* * *

"Jane? Where are you?"

"Oh, hey John, I'm outside the city, I'll come find you later in the afternoon, gotta go."

"Jan…", John called after his girlfriend again but Jane had already hung up.

Jane drove up to the cabin and felt her heart starting to race. She had no idea what she was going to say, all she knew was that she wanted to see Maura. She walked up the porch, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. No answer. She knocked again, a bit louder. Still no answer. Jane walked to the window and looked in, there was nobody inside, the place was cleaned up and tidy, only bare furniture inside. She glanced over to the counter in the kitchen, there was nothing on it. There was no sign of anybody staying at the cabin. Jane let her head rest on the window frame, _She's gone_, she thought to herself. She closed her eyes and sighed before turning around and walking back to the car.

* * *

"All I'm saying is that you need to forget about her! Endgame! Finito! Move on! Seriously Maura I don't get it! You are hotter, smarter, nicer, sexier than her and you are here, still suffering while she's out there shagging some stupid guy!"

Maura lifted her head up in shock, "She's what?"

"Crap!" Emma rested her head on the fingers of her right hand and started rubbing her forehead.

"What did you say?" Maura asked again. "She's seeing somebody?"

There was so much pain in Maura's eyes that Emma wanted to lie but she could not. She took her phone and looked at Maura. She decided to rip the bandage off quickly.

"Yes Maura, she's seeing somebody and according to this, she looks happy" Emma said as she turned her phone for Maura to see. There was a photo of Jane with John, both smiling broadly, relaxed, with their arms around one another.

Maura felt like someone kicked her in the stomach, she felt nauseous, "Where did you get this?" she managed to ask barely breathing.

"Boston Herald. You know, _Boston's finest happily in love_, something along those lines."

"When was this taken?" Maura asked dryly.

"I have no idea, why does it matter Maura, the bottom line is that she has moved on and you need to do the same."

Maura said nothing, she just got up, took her bag and her coat and stormed out.

"Maura", Emma yelled after her but Maura was already gone. "Dammit!" Emma leaned back in her chair running her fingers through her hair. "Shit!"

Maura got out of the building and started aimlessly walking down the street, her eyes misty from the tears welling up inside. She just wanted to run away from the pain, she didn't want to feel anything anymore, she couldn't feel that excruciating pain again… not again… not anymore.

* * *

Jane was standing in front of her front door, keys in her hand when she heard a familiar voice behind her "Jane! I have been looking for you, where have you been?" She turned around to face John. He leaned in to kiss her but she moved her head so he would kiss her cheek.

"Hey John, I went to look for a friend. It's good that you came, I'd like to talk, let's have a beer."

"Sure", John sensed something was off but he didn't want to jump to any conclusions.

Jane walked over to the fridge and took out two bottles. As she handed one to John he said jokingly "So, is this one of those _You're a great guy but… _kind of talks?" smiling broadly.

Jane said nothing at first, her eyes focused on the beer label she was playing with.

"Oh, wow, it actually is that kind of talk" John said in surprise.

Jane lifted her head and looked at John, "You really are a great guy John, but there is somebody else from before and I am not sure if I am in love with her or not, but I know that she can make me laugh like nobody else, drive me nuts even more than my mom sometimes, and make me feel like I'm the most special woman in the world. And I have hurt her so much, and I need to see if I can fix it somehow to see what we are, what we can be…"

John's mouth was open wide, "Her?" "Her!" "You're a dyke now!" he burst into laughter. "Oh, this is hilarious, you are dumping me for a woman, you can't be serious! You sure did not seem like a dyke when you were on top of me!"

"Look, John, please don't take this the wrong way, this has nothing to do with you, I've been running away from who I truly am, and I was too afraid to face everything that comes with it, and when I ran into you it seemed so easy to just forget about it all and have fun with you. But that was a mistake, I shouldn't have done it, and I know it wasn't fair to you, and I am truly sorry…"

"Oh, come on Jane, you can't be serious!" He got up and put his arm around Jane's waist pulling her violently close to him. "What, I'm not a man enough for you!?" he shouted.

"John, what are you doing?" Jane asked, trying to free herself from his grip but he squeezed her even tighter causing a glimmer of panic to appearing in her eyes "John, let go of me!"

"I'm gonna show you that you are wrong and get that silly idea out of your head!" John said as he started pushing her towards the kitchen table.

"No, John, stop, what are you doing, let me go!" Jane yelled, fear now visibly obvious in her voice.

"You are not a dyke Jane, just relax and enjoy all of me, no woman can give you this" he said as he pushed his crotch against Jane's and pushed her onto the table, his right hand squeezing her neck.

Jane's mind started rushing, he was not drunk, and he was physically stronger than her, she was looking around to grab something to hit him with but there was nothing in her reach. Both his hands were now gripping her arms so firmly that she felt pain in them.

"Stop John, you are hurting me", Jane tried again but he was not listening and pushed both her hands above her head holding them both now with his left hand and using the other one to rip her top in a second. He started running his hand down Jane's bare skin, "Come on Jane, you've enjoyed this so far, you will enjoy it again!"

Jane was disgusted when she felt his lips on her skin. When his hand started moving down her body and started unzipping her pants she tried kicking him with her leg but he quickly put all his body weight on top of her paralyzing any move she might try to make. His hand was now in Jane's pants and she tried to wiggle her way out somehow but could not.

_This is not happening_, Jane started panicking, all she wanted was to have him off of her. Suddenly she thought she heard some noise at the door and she yelled as loud as she could "Heeeeeelp!".

"Shut up!" John quickly put his mouth over her mouth. And pushed his hand deeper inside her pants. Jane thought she was gonna throw up, she did not want to feel his hand anywhere near her skin, she did not want to feel his breath or his body on top of her. She just wanted him far away from her and yet he was still here, his hand was still in her pants, touching parts of her body she didn't want him to touch anymore.

Korsak and Frankie were standing out the door.

"Did you hear that?", Frankie asked.

"No, I didn't hear anything, what now you are hearing stuff?" Korsak joked as he started knocking on the door. "Jane, we see your car here, come on, we want a beer." No answer. Korsak turned to Frankie and shrugged, "Maybe she took Jo Friday for a walk."

"Maybe…, you wanna go walk around to find her or go back to the station?" Frankie asked.

"Let's go back to the station, we can come back later."

"Ok, let me just call her phone, I feel like something's off", Frankie said.

"Oh, Frankie, relax, she's fine, Jane can take care of herself", Korsak replied as he started walking towards the car.

Jane heard them outside and was trying to make some kind of a noise to get their attention but could not get John to move one inch. When Jane's phone suddenly started ringing it took John by surprise and Jane took her chance getting one leg from below him and kicking a big vase that was standing on the end of the table. Frankie first heard the phone ring and a second later he heard the loud noise of something breaking. He grabbed his gun and shouted, "Korsak!" before hitting the door with his leg as hard as he could.

The doors slammed open as Jane managed to shout "Help!" again. Frankie rushed in seeing Jane inside struggling with a man. Korsak was right behind him. Frankie grabbed the man by his shoulders and threw him onto the fridge. John fell down from the force of the hit. Frankie yelled "Are you ok, Jane?". But Jane did not reply. Frankie glanced back at her and saw her clothes ripped. His hands went down to pick John up, "You son of a bitch, I will kill you!" he yelled as he started hitting John with his fists and banging his head against the fridge. "Frankie, Frankie, stop!" Korsak yelled at him. Korsak grabbed Frankie and pulled him away from John who slumped to the ground.

"Take care of Jane, I'll take care of him" Korsak said.

Frankie quickly turned around towards Jane, he took off his jacket and put it around her, helping her up and taking her to another room as Korsak put handcuffs on John. Frankie helped Jane sit on the bed, she was shaking.

"Jane, it's ok, it's over, he can't hurt you anymore."

"I tried to get him off of me, I tried to find something to hit him with, but I couldn't. Why couldn't I, I am trained in this, I should have been able to fight him off."

"Jane, you trusted him, you did not expect your boyfriend to attack you, you did not have time to prepare the guard." He looked at her neck, there were bruises showing already, traces of John's fingers on her skin. Her hands were shaking as she kept on repeating, "I should have been able to stop him… I should have…"

"It's ok Jane, I'm here now" Frankie looked at his sister, broken, her eyes lost, still shaking. "Jane, did he…" he couldn't get himself to finish the sentence but knew he had to ask. "Do I need to call for the… …rape… kit" he finally finished.

"No…, he… didn't… but if you hadn't come…he would…" she whispered but could not finish the sentence. She jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. Frankie heard her vomit as he took his phone. "Ma, Jane needs you, come to her apartment, I'm here."

"What happened!? Is she ok?", Angela asked worried.

"She's fine Ma, I mean she's not, errr…. look she's ok now, just come here."

Frankie hung up the phone and turned towards the bathroom, "Jane, I'm gonna come in, ok?".

Jane was sitting on the floor next to the toilet bin, her head resting against the tiles behind her. "I should… have… been… able to stop him…" she just kept on repeating.

"You did stop him Jane, he did not manage to hurt you, you were fighting, you did not give him a chance to hurt you, ok? You stopped him! You managed to push that vase, you managed to catch our attention, you stopped him!"

Jane was just sitting there on the floor, her eyes still empty and lost.

Frankie leaned forward "Come on, let's get you up" he said as he put his arm around Jane's waist and helped her up. "Why don't you wash your face a bit, the water will feel good."

Frankie held Jane with one hand and turned on the cold water with another. Jane put her hands under the water and stared at it run over her fingers. She took some water in her hands and splashed it over her face. It felt good, so she repeated the action several times then again put her hands under the water and let it run over them as tears started welling in her eyes and her body started to shake. Frankie reached out and shut the water off as Jane turned towards him and buried his head in his shoulder. Frankie put his arms around her "It's ok, I'm here, everything is ok now".

Frankie was worried, Jane seemed so fragile and vulnerable now. "Let's go and sit down" he suggested and led Jane towards the bedroom.

"John…? Vince…? What's going on? Where are you taking him? What happened? Where is Jane?", Angela had so many questions seeing Korsak taking John into the car, with handcuffs.

"Jane is inside with Frankie, go find them, Angela", Korsak replied giving Angela a worried look.

She did not like that look, she saw that look several times when something had happened to her Jane.

Angela rushed into the house, "Jane! Frankie! Jane!"

"We are in the bedroom, Ma!", Frankie shouted back.

"Will someone tell me what…?" Angela's question was cut short upon seeing her daughter.

Jane was sitting on the edge of the bed, her legs up, hugging them with her own arms. Frankie was sitting next to her, his right arm around Jane. She did not look well to Angela, she seemed to be in some kind of a shock and Angela could not make heads or tails of the whole situation. She gave a questioning look to Frankie. Frankie stood up and walked towards Angela.

"John attacked her, tried to… ra… err… he tried to force himself on her", he explained.

"What!? How is that possible?!", Angela rushed to sit next to Jane. "Jane, honey, are you ok?"

"Ma…" Jane started crying as she turned around putting her arms around Angela.

"I'm here, honey, everything's going to be fine", Angela replied as she embraced her daughter protectively.

"Everything will be ok, Jane", Angela repeated.

"I just wish Maura was here", Jane said quietly.


	11. Broken

_**Chapter 11 - Broken**_

* * *

"She's sleeping, we're gonna stay here tonight. Do you need me to come down to the station?"

"No Frankie, stay there, I took care of everything, he's in custody. Jane should come here to give a statement, but we can do that tomorrow".

"Yeah, I'll see if Jane is in better shape later and try to find out what happened", Frankie replied as he hung up the phone.

"What the hell happened, Frankie?", Angela asked.

"I don't know, Ma. I just came here, heard things breaking inside, broke the door and found him on top of Jane, she was yelling for help."

Angela shook her head in disbelief, "I didn't like the man, but I would have never thought he would hurt Jane."

"I know, me neither", Frankie replied sitting down on the couch, beer in hand. "It was really hard seeing her so fragile, Ma. She has been through much worse than this, why did it affect her so much?"

"Everything that has happened lately has taken its toll on her, she was broken about everything that went on with Maura and this just added to the heavy load that was already there."

Frankie did not reply, he just kept on staring in front of him, beer in hand, with a worried look on his face.

Jane got woken up by a sharp pain on the left side of her ribcage as she tried to turn in her sleep. She slowly opened her eyes, it took her a few seconds to realize where she was. She looked around the room, the small light across the room was on and she heard Ma and Frankie talking in the living room. She started remembering what had happened earlier and closed her eyes again but as soon as she did scenes of John on top of her started flashing in her mind. She opened them quickly and started getting up slowly, her whole body was aching, her whole body felt dirty, she could still sense his smell on herself. She got up and headed slowly towards the bathroom, it was painful to walk, every muscle in her body was hurting. She felt a bit dizzy and stopped next to a drawer to get hold of something. As she was about to start walking again she accidentally caught a glass that was standing there with her hand and it fell to the floor.

Angela immediately appeared at the door and rushed to her.

"Jane, are you ok, why didn't you call me?"

"I'm ok Ma, it just…, everything hurts, and I really want to take a shower, I just want him off of my skin…"

Angela just nodded her head. "Do you need help, honey?"

"I'll try alone, but can you stay here in case I need help?"

"Of course, dear, I'll be here."

Angela looked on as her daughter very slowly walked into the bathroom. She closed her eyes and took a long breath as Frankie appeared at the door. "Is everything ok?"

"She went to take a shower, why don't you make her a cup of tea, I'll stay here in case she needs help, she's in pain, says everything hurts."

"Yeah, that's normal, she tried with every muscle to fight him off, and the psychological pressure also affected her body."

"Right", Angela nodded and started cleaning the broken glass.

"She'll be fine Ma… and we'll find Maura."

Angela looked at him.

"I promise" Frankie said with strong determination in his voice before heading to the kitchen.

Jane was standing in front of the mirror, she lifted her head up and touched bruises on her neck, she turned to the side to check her ribcage, there was a huge bruise on the left side and it hurt like hell when she touched it. Her arms also had bruises on them, her legs as well. The water in the shower was already running and she slowly stepped inside. As water started caressing her body she rested her hands on the tiles, bowed her head down and started crying letting the pain, the shock, the disappointment and disgust get washed away by the water. She imagined Maura next to her, holding her, tried feeling Maura's hand in her own to give her strength and help her feel protected. Oh how she wanted Maura to be here, her sweet Maura… her beautiful Maura…, to hug her and make all the pain go away…

* * *

When Jane appeared at the door Angela immediately got up. "Are you feeling better honey?"

"A little bit." Jane smiled weakly.

"Do you want to go to the living room?" Angela asked, "You should eat something, I made food and Frankie made you some tea."

"I'm not hungry, Ma."

"You need to eat, a few bites at least, and I'm not accepting a no." Angela said as she put her arm around her daughter and helped her walk towards the living room.

When they approached the living room Jane stopped in her tracks when her eyes met the table. There were no traces of any struggle left in the kitchen or the living room but in her head the scenes were still there, very vividly playing in front of her eyes.

Frankie realized immediately what was happening. "You want me to take it outside?"

"Yes, please", Jane said quietly and Frankie immediately took care of it.

Angela helped her to the sofa and brought her some food on the plate.

Jane forced herself to take a few bites but could not continue as she still felt nauseous with scenes from earlier still flashing in front of her eyes. She swallowed hard, fighting the tears.

"Ma, I don't think I can stay here tonight" she said playing with the food on her plate.

"Of course, we can go to Frankie's place", Angela replied.

"I'd like to go to Maura's place" Jane said quietly.

"Oh", Angela was a bit surprised but in a way she also wasn't. "I guess we can do that." _Maura would understand_, Angela thought to herself.

"I can be closer to her there, I can feel her there…" Jane whispered.

"Ok, honey, we'll go there", Angela replied.

"Go where?" Frankie asked as he appeared back in the living room.

"To Maura's place", Angela replied, her eyes saying it all to Frankie.

"Oh…, ok, let's go there."

"I'll go grab her a few things, and then we can go", Angela said.

Frankie sat down next to Jane.

"Jane, we'll have to talk about what happened at some point."

Jane nodded her head, "Tomorrow, ok?"

Frankie nodded his head, "Ok, do you need me to take anything with us?"

"No, I have all I need over there" Jane replied.

"We can go", Angela said as she appeared at the door.

"Let's go" Frankie said and helped Jane get up.

* * *

"I'll be in the guest room if you need me, ok?", Angela said.

"Ok, Ma, thanks."

Angela gave her daughter a warm embrace before leaving the room.

Jane looked around Maura's bedroom. She closed her eyes and could almost feel Maura right there with her. She opened the wardrobe and took out one of Maura's T-shirts, they were a rare possession of the woman but she did have some. Jane took the T-shirt close to her nose and took the smell in. It reminded her of Maura, she took her own T-shirt off and put Maura's on. She closed her eyes, she felt protected, Maura was the only face appearing in front of her eyes. She walked to the bed and got under the covers. She placed her hand on the pillow on Maura's side of the bed, and closed her eyes again, imagining Maura smiling at her, imagining Maura snuggling next to her, almost feeling her breathing next to her and then fell asleep peacefully.


	12. Revelation

_**Chapter 12 - Revelation**_

* * *

"I'd like to speak with Jane Rizzoli, please, is that possible?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, detective Rizzoli has been on leave for the past few days, she is unavailable."

"Can I then speak to somebody who knows her? It's important, and urgent."

"I'll see if detective Korsak, her partner, can speak to you, please take a seat and I will let you know."

"Thank you", the woman replied and walked over to the chairs.

Five minutes later Korsak appeared in front of her.

"I hear you wish to speak to detective Rizzoli, I'm afraid that will be impossible but maybe I can help", Korsak said politely.

"It is really important I speak to Jane, can you please tell me where to find her?", the woman was persistent.

"Ma'am, I'm really sorry, I don't know who you are but Jane cannot help you, if you tell me what this is all ab…"

"Only Jane can help, I really need to find her… It's about Maura, I'm her friend and she's missing."

Korsak needed a few moments to process what he had just heard, then quickly took a piece of paper, wrote down Maura's house address and gave it to the woman.

"You can find her at this address, I guess you should first talk to her alone, I'll stop by later and we'll come up with a plan, I'm detective Vince Korsak, by the way, and Maura's and Jane's friend as well."

"Emma, wish we had met under better circumstances. Thank you for the address" Emma replied and rushed outside to go find Jane.

* * *

Emma was standing in front of the door, waiting for it to be opened, ready to first yell at Jane and tell her all she thought of her because of how badly she treated Maura and then explain all the rest. The door opened and a pale woman appeared in front of her, bags under her eyes, vividly tired and obviously tormented by something. Emma's attack approach immediately subsided as she was taken aback by the woman's appearance. She also noticed bruises on her neck and as Jane raised her arm to place it on the door she noticed another nasty bruise on her arm.

"Yes, how can I help you?", Jane asked. "You look familiar somehow?", Jane said slowly.

Emma's eyes met Jane's, _There is some deep pain in those eyes,_ Emma thought as she opened her mouth to speak. "Emma, Maura's friend, remember?" The sentences she was constructing in her head on the way here were all gone.

"Oh, right, what are you doing here? Maura is not here" Jane said with a sadness and fragility in her voice.

_Something's happened, this is not the same woman I met back then, she is different, her voice, her way of talking, what is it, she seems… completely broken. _Emma's head was rushing trying to understand what was going on and how to approach this newly found situation.

"Yes I know, can I come in?" Emma asked.

"Is Maura ok?", Jane suddenly asked.

"I don't know, I hope she is, Maura is missing Jane."

Jane felt like air was kicked out of her lungs, _Missing? No! This can't be happening! _Her mind started racing.

"Jane, are you ok?", Emma asked noticing how bad the news hit her.

Jane shook her head, the detective in her suddenly waking up, the detective who needed to go find Maura, "Come on in, and tell me what happened".

"There's no easy way to say this", Emma started as she sat down on the sofa. "Maura was really broken about what happened with the two of you."

"I know, I saw her a few months ago", Jane replied and looked down.

"I got her to come visit me in Paris to help her get back on her feet. Several days ago, I showed her a photo of you and your boyfriend from Boston Herald trying to get her to understand that she needs to let go and move on, and stop hurting, because she is still in immense pain because of loving you…"

Emma took a pause, even though her mind was completely enwrapped by worry about Maura, she couldn't help but notice how Jane's body flinched at the mention of her boyfriend.

She looked at Jane, trying to understand what it meant but couldn't figure it out. She continued, "She didn't take it well, it hurt her a lot and she stormed out of the apartment and I haven't seen her since. She sent me a short message that she was fine and that she needed to be alone, but I haven't been able to reach her since then. Her phone is off and she's not replying to messages or emails. And I am so worried, I tried to get the French police to look for her, but they are saying it's obvious she just wants to be left alone and are not taking the whole thing to be an issue."

"When was the last time you heard from her?", Jane asked.

Emma handed her phone to Jane, this is the message she sent four days ago.

Jane took the phone, her hand started shaking as she was looking at Maura's words _Don't worry Emma, I'm fine, I just want to be alone, I need to be alone in my pain and somehow find a way to forget about her..._

Jane's eyes got filled with tears, and her voice started shaking as she asked "Do you have any idea where she might be?"

"She has a house in Italy, I went there two days ago and didn't find her there, I've been calling the house number but she's either not there or not picking up the phone" Emma replied examining the unexpected behavior Jane was projecting.

Jane slowly sat down, flinching a bit as it caused her ribs to hurt, the move and the face grimace not escaping Emma's inspecting eyes.

"What happened here Jane? I can see something's going on."

Jane looked at her and said bluntly "My boyfriend attacked me and tried to rape me when I broke up with him and told him I needed to go and find out if Maura was the one for me."

Emma was in shock, her brain was trying to comprehend what Jane had said, but it seemed too surreal. The whole Jane's appearance suddenly made sense, everything suddenly made sense, her eyes, her body language, her vulnerability.

"When did this happen?" Emma asked.

"Five days ago, hence all sorts of marks still visible."

"Are you ok?" Emma asked worriedly.

"I am… here. This is Maura's house you know. This is the only place where I feel safe and protected… by her… I can feel her with me here…"

"Jane, you do realize what this means?" Emma said.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked puzzled.

"How you feel, Maura being your safe heaven, the person to run to for shelter, the person you feel is protecting you even though she's not here."

"Erm… what are you getting at?" Jane was still puzzled.

"Oh for Pete's sake! Did you receive a vaccination that prevents you from recognizing love when it literally hits you on that hard head of yours?", Emma easily switched back to her sharp tongue.

"It's obvious you are in love with Maura, I don't understand why you don't see it, or why you are doubting it, but I'm telling you it's there, and it's obvious! Now, we need to go find her so you can kneel in front of her and beg her to forgive you for being a complete asshole! I'll even come with you and prevent her from throwing things at you, not that you don't deserve a soft tomato or two in your head!

Jane had to laugh, "You really think I'm in love with her?", she asked insecurely.

Emma rolled her eyes, "No, you're absolutely not in love with her! You're staying in her house, you're sleeping in her bed, and I'm guessing you're wearing her T-shirt to feel closer to her!"

Jane looked down at Maura's T-shirt she was wearing as Emma continued.

"I would be doing that if I was crazily in love with a woman, or if I was just simply crazy, a complete nuthouse! So I guess you must be crazy Jane!"

"I'm not crazy" Jane replied in a pensive way.

Emma clapped her hands "Great, so you are in love with her! One problem solved! Now let's go find Maura!"


	13. Searching

_**Thank you to all of those who decided to stick with the story and giving me support with comments and follows, it means a lot :-). I have read a lot of complaints about the amount of time it has taken to write and finish this story, there's a reason why it took this long but at least I'm finishing it ;-). I think it's better to finish no matter how long it takes than never finish at all. This story reflects my belief that what most people need is understanding and support, sometimes life serves us with difficult stuff to deal with and everyone deals with things differently. Some people don't understand Maura for showing weakness, some don't understand Jane for running and not facing her emotions, some don't understand me for taking a long time to finish this... All I'm gonna say is that if there is someone in your life who you do not understand, take a step back and try to understand them a bit more - it will mean more to them than you might think…**_

* * *

_**Chapter 13 - Searching**_

"Look…, Jean-Luc, is it?"

"Yes."

"Can we at least get a warrant to check video surveillance at the airport and train station? Maura Isles has been with the Boston Police department for a long time, she's on the same side as you, she's one of all of us. Don't you also try your best when one of your colleagues needs help, or does French police simply abandon members of their team?" Jane was trying to get through to the French detective.

"Of course we don't abandon our own people", he replied.

"Well then, can you please treat Dr. Isles at least a little bit like a colleague? You don't have to look for her, I will, but at least give me something to work with!"

"Ok, you're right, I'll get a warrant for video surveillance."

"Merci!"

Jean-Luc smiled at Jane's attempt of French "Are you trying to buy more points, detective Rizzoli?"

Jane laughed "It was not my intention but if that's gonna help, I'll open Google Translate asap!"

Jean-Luc laughed "I'll go talk to my chief while you work on your French".

"I should have come with you Jane, are you sure you are ok?"

"Well, I'm not great, you know, but Maura needs me Frankie, so I need to forget about myself now and focus on her."

"Right, ok, if you need any help, let me know I can be there in no time."

Jane smiled, "Thanks Frankie, I'll let you know if I have any news, and tell Ma, not to worry."

"You know that no matter what I tell her she will still worry about both of you."

"True, I'll call her later to soothe her mind a bit."

"Good idea, take care Jane."

"I will, don't worry." Jane replied and saw Jean-Luc approaching. "I have to go now, talk to you later."

Jean-Luc lifted a piece of paper, "I got it, let's go!"

"Oh, so you're coming with?" Jane asked surprised.

"I figured you might need some help with French translation."

Jane smiled and took her jacket, "Thanks".

* * *

"There, this person, do you have another camera that would show her face?"

"Ummm, yes, just a second…" a technician did a few more clicks and the face of the woman appeared on the screen."

"Damn, it's not her", Jane sighed.

"Well, we still have the train station" Jean-Luc replied.

"Yeah", Jane said worried.

"Hey, you can start worrying if we don't find anything there either."

"Right", Jane smiled.

"But we do need a break and some food before we go there."

"I guess I could use a cup of coffee as well" Jane replied.

"My house is on the way to the train station, so we can make a stop there, I'll call my wife and tell her we are coming."

"How long have you been married?" Jane asked in the car.

"Five years, the happiest period of my life" Jean-Luc replied, his eyes showing the happiness.

"Any children?"

"Yes, a boy, three years old and a baby girl, five months. My little angels, do you have any children Jane?"

"No, not yet" Jane replied with sadness but quickly decided to not let her mind go there.

"You still have time", Jean-Luc said smiling at her. "When you find the person you want to have children with then it all starts making sense."

Jane imagined a little girl, reciting encyclopedia facts like Maura and smiled

Jean-Luc interrupted her daydreaming "We are here."

A boy came running out of the house as they were walking up.

"Papa!"

Jean-Luc took the boy in his arms, "Where's my little superman!"

Jane was surprised "You speak English to your child?"

"My wife is American, hence my good English. We speak both English and French to our children. I guess English came out because I've been speaking to you the whole day."

"This is Jane, she's a detective from America." Jean-Luc told his son.

"Hi" Jane said and smiled at the boy.

"Hi" the boy replied and continued "My papa is a detective too, he protects us from bad guys, I'll be a detective too when I'm big."

Jane smiled, "You will be the best detective ever."

The boy giggled.

"Where's your sister, Pierre?"

"She's sleeping, again, she always sleeps" Pierre said, making a pouty face.

Both Jane and Jean-Luc laughed. "Marie needs to sleep to be big like you, and you need to sleep to be big like me."

"Pierre, come on you need to go to bed" a beautiful woman appeared at the door and extended her hand to Jane.

"Hi, I'm Susan, welcome."

Jane smiled at her "Thank you, Jane, nice to meet you."

"I'll be right back, I'll take the boy to bed." Jean-Luc said.

"I don't want to go to bed!" Pierre protested, "I want to talk to Jane".

Jane laughed, "But if you want to be a detective you have to sleep."

"Did you sleep when you were little like me?" the boy asked.

"Of course I did, everybody has to sleep when they are small."

"Ok, papa let's go sleep, will you tell me a story?"

"Of course I will mon chéri."

"He likes you" Susan said smiling.

"Oh, I'm sure he likes everybody. He's such a cute boy." Jane said with a smile on her face.

"Children are such a joy, I never really planned children but when they came they just stole my heart from the very moment I saw them and keep on stealing it every single day, even when they are being impossible."

Jane smiled, "I can imagine".

"Are you and Jean-Luc working on a case together? He didn't mention any case related to the US." Susan asked putting water for coffee to boil.

"I just arrived this morning, looking for a friend who's missing. Well, she's more than a friend actually, somebody very special to me. Errr…. I mean Maura is a colleague and my best friend." A moment of panic rushed through Jane's head _I should be careful of what I'm saying. _

"Is she your girlfriend?" Susan asked bluntly as Jean-Luc entered.

"Susan! Don't you think it's inappropriate to ask somebody such a personal question?"

"Oh, come on, it's the 21st century, it drives me nuts when people just assume every person they meet is straight, besides Jane's eyes said it all the moment she mentioned this 'friend'."

Jane laughed nervously. _I guess I'm an open book._

"My wife easily reads people and their facial expressions, imagine how hard it is for me to hide anything from her" Jean-Luc laughed as he came closer to his wife and gave her a kiss.

"That's because you're not supposed to hide anything from me" Susan joked slapping Jean-Luc lightly on the shoulder.

"So, what happened to your girlfriend, Jane?" Susan asked.

"Susan stop with the third degree!" Jean-Luc gave his wife a stern look.

"It's ok, it actually feels refreshing that I can openly talk about it" Jane replied. "She's not my girlfriend, well… we were together for a bit but I broke her heart and hurt her a lot because I couldn't deal with my own emotions and everything that goes with it. Now I have to find her and try to repair things."

"Just be honest with her, tell her everything and if she loves you she will understand. We all make mistakes, but it takes a lot of courage to admit we were wrong and try our best to make things right. If she loves you she will give you an opportunity to make things right. Just remember she might need time and if you love her, you don't give up no matter what. That's what love is about, giving a second chance and not giving up" Susan said kindly.

"She's actually speaking from experience" Jean-Luc said. "I broke her heart at the beginning but she gave me a second chance once I realized what an idiot I was and what an amazing woman she is. It wasn't easy winning her trust back but I didn't want to give up."

"I gave in because you were so annoying with all the flowers you were sending me, every single day, I needed to do something to make it stop and telling you to stop wasn't working", Susan joked.

"Oh, come on, you loved every single flower that I sent you!" Jean-Luc protested.

"Of course I did" Susan smiled and gave him a kiss. "Enough of our love story, you need to eat and go off to find Maura."

* * *

"Nothing, I don't see her, how the hell am I supposed to find her if none of the cameras picked her up!" Jane said in frustration.

"Hold on, we haven't gone through all the footage yet" Jean-Luc tried to calm her. Let's do one more and then we should take a break."

"Ok, go on…, no, no, no… nobody here even resembles her", Jane sighed.

"We can still look at the footage from outside the station, if she was here there's got to be a camera that caught her."

"Maybe she wasn't here at a…. wait! Go back! That woman! Sitting by the window inside the train, can you zoom in?"

The technician zoomed in "Hmmm, there's a lot of reflection, let me see if I can clear it up."

The technician clicked around for a few minutes and a clear picture appeared on the screen.

"That's her!" Jane jumped off her chair. "Where was this train going!?"

"Let me check…, Monday… 3 p.m., platform 15… Venice! She went to Venice!"

"Jean-Luc can you…?"

Jean-Luc finished her sentence "….I'll drive you to the airport!"


	14. Healing

_**Chapter 14 - Healing**_

* * *

Jane stepped off the train and looked at the crowd around her. _How the hell am I going to find her in this sea of people?,_ she thought as she headed towards the exit.

_Why did Maura even come here, she doesn't like such crowds. _Jane kept on with her stream of thoughts stepping out and being greeted with the green dome across.

_Wow, that looks beautiful. Ok. Left or right?, she thought. _

For some reason she started walking to the left, making her way through the numerous tourists taking photos, a lot of them couples taking selfies, and looking all happy and in love.

_I hope we will get to that point as well_, Jane thought to herself entering a narrow street with a lot of small shops.

Suddenly it dawned on her she should try to put herself in Maura's shoes, _What would she do if she was walking along this street?_, she thought. She saw a boutique on the right and walked in. Shoes, clothes and bags were around her. _If she entered anywhere this would be it,_ Jane thought and headed straight towards the sales lady.

"Excuse me, can I ask you something?"

"Of course", the woman replied with a thick Italian accent.

Jane took out a photo of Maura, "Have you seen this woman?"

The woman looked at the photo and asked back, "And who's asking?" looking a bit suspiciously at Jane.

Jane lifted her badge, "Boston Police" she replied a bit annoyed with the woman's behavior.

The woman looked at her again with inspecting eyes. "Yes, I've seen her, she is my friend and honestly I don't think she wants you to find her, Ms Rizzoli, I presume."

"Yes, Jane Rizzoli, so I guess Maura told you the story."

"Yes, she did. I'm Carla and we have been friends for a long time, she came here looking for a safe haven, and I gave her one."

"So she is here?", Jane insisted.

"Look, Jane, I don't mean to be rude, but I really don't think Maura would want to see you."

"Can you at least tell her I am here and let her decide that?" Jane asked.

A group of loud tourists entered the shop and as they approached the part where Jane was standing one of them accidentally bumped into Jane, hitting her in the left ribcage. Jane made a grimace and involuntarily took hold of the painful side.

"Are you ok?" Carla asked, suddenly noticing bruises on Jane's neck that were still visible.

"I'm fine" Jane replied trying to ignore the pain.

"Why don't you come with me and take a seat", she said and then said something in Italian to the other sales woman.

Jane followed Carla to the back side, she did start to feel a bit dizzy from the pain.

"Here, take some water" Carla said as she handed Jane a glass.

"Thank you", Jane replied.

"I see bruises on your neck, did something happen to you here in Italy?" Carla asked, her approach mellowing down.

"No, it happened in the US but it doesn't matter, I just want to find Maura and make things right." Jane replied still squirming from the pain that was making her uncomfortable.

Carla said nothing, just observed the woman sitting in front of her, seeing a mixture of pain, fear, regret and… love in her eyes.

"Look, why don't you stay here for the night…" Carla suggested but Jane interrupted her.

"… no, I need to go find Maura, I need to tell her I was wrong, and stupid, and a coward, I need to tell her that I love her and ask her to forgive me."

Carla smiled softly "Well, if you're gonna do all that you will need to rest."

"So you will tell me where she is?" Jane asked with hope in her voice.

"Maybe, we'll see tomorrow, after you get some rest."

Jane rolled her eyes "You remind me of my mom, she always finds a way to force me to do something."

"Italian women know how to get what they want" Carla replied smiling mysteriously and Jane realized she wasn't only talking about her mom, or herself… she meant Jane as well.

* * *

"I'm in Venice, Ma…" Jane started explaining but was interrupted with a burst of words from the other side.

"In Italy!? And you didn't call! What, happened? Have you found Maura, is she ok, are you ok? What happened in France? Tell me everything!"

"Well, I would Ma if you would let me speak."

"Right, sorry, ok, I'm listening."

"Maura came to Venice on a train from France a few days ago, I have found a friend of hers who knows where she is but she won't tell me until I get some rest. Now I even more understand your Italian background!" Jane joked.

"She is right, you need to rest. How are you feeling, honey?"

"I'm a bit tired, and my ribs hurt but I just need to find Maura and I'll be much better."

"At least we know nothing bad has happened to her" Angela sighed with relief.

"Yeah, and I hope her friend Carla will tell me where she is. She doesn't really like me after what Maura told her, and honestly I can't blame her. I was so stupid."

"You can still make it right, honey. Let me know when you have some news, don't let us wait here not knowing anything. It's horrible to wait and not be able to do anything."

"I will let you know, Ma."

"Good, now go and get some rest dear."

"Bye, Ma. Give Frankie an update."

"I will, bye."

Jane put the phone on silent and turned off the light, the sooner she falls asleep the sooner she will wake up and go find Maura.

Carla was sitting in the living room drinking a glass of wine, she overheard some of the things Jane said, especially the part about wanting to make things right. _Maura might be really mad at me but I think they should talk_, she thought to herself and started typing something on the laptop.

* * *

"You are up early?" Carla said surprised.

"No time to sleep, I want to continue looking for Maura", Jane replied.

"Are you sure you are ok, it sounded like you were having a nightmare last night."

"I'm fine, I've had plenty of bad things happen to me, sometimes dreams come to haunt me, it comes with the job", Jane replied, "I'm used to it".

"Hmmm…" Carla replied pensively, "Well, whoever caused those bruises on your neck, I hope they are rotting in jail."

"He's being charged with physical assault, we'll see what happens."

"So, Jane, I'm gonna ask you one question, why would I tell you where Maura is when you broke her heart and then went off to be happy with someone else?"

Jane sighed, "Haven't you ever done something you regretted? I wish I could turn back the time and do things differently, but I can't. The only thing I can do is find Maura and ask her to forgive me and ask for a second chance. Try to make amends. But I need to find her if I'm gonna have any chance of telling her how I feel."

"And how do you feel?", Carla asked.

"I beg your pardon?", Jane couldn't believe this woman was prying so much.

"Well, are you gonna tell me you suddenly love Maura, when a few days ago you were walking hand in hand with a man around Boston?"

"I don't owe you any explanation! Maura is the only one I owe an explanation to but obviously you won't help me find her. And don't mention him when you don't know…" Jane started yelling as her hands started shaking but stopped herself from finishing the sentence.

Carla noticed something changed in Jane, she suspected what it might be but realized she shouldn't push.

"I'm sorry, you are right…, it's between you and Maura…" Carla apologized.

"No, I am sorry I yelled, you are just trying to protect her, I understand", Jane said, bowed her head and sighed heavily. "I just want to find Maura so I can hug her and tell her how sorry I am for everything."

Carla nodded her head, stood up and picked up a couple of papers from the table.

"Here, a plane ticket to Dubrovnik, Maura is on an island called Korcula, on the Croatian coast. I have a house there, and I gave her the key, you can rent a car at the airport, here are the instructions how to get to the island and how to find the house."

Jane stood there puzzled, "I thought you didn't like me?"

"I don't know you that well to like you or not like you, but I can see that you want to fight for Maura and you know us Italians, we are romantic, we always want love to win" Carla smiled, "I'd rather help love win than help keep love away."

"Thank you so much" Jane managed to utter.

"Now go, the plane leaves in two hours!"

* * *

Jane was standing in front of the door of the house, nervous to ring the bell. It was in a secluded place, no other houses around, she took a deep breath and rang the bell. There was no answer. She rang the bell again but no one was coming to open. Jane's heart sank, she came all this way just to not find her again. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally.

_If Maura is not here I will have to call Frankie, and Emma, I can't do this on my own anymore, s_he thought to herself. She went around the house and was hit by a nice breeze, she inhaled the scent of pine trees mixed with salt and gasped at the scene in front of her. A mountain rising up from the sea, little green islands spread around the water in front of it and the sea reflecting the last rays of sunshine. It was so calm and peaceful, seagulls flying around, the breeze caressing her face, and that smell, the smell of pine trees, Jane had never smelled such an alluring scent.

_This place is so beautiful, now I understand why Maura would want to come here. _Jane thought to herself and decided to go sit by the beach and relax a bit before she figures out what to do next. She saw a curve and some big rocks and headed there, even though there was no one around she still wanted to feel like she is away from possible onlookers.

Coming closer to her desired spot she noticed someone was already there, as she was about to turn around and leave, her eyes met the gaze of the woman sitting on the rock. Jane felt like her breathing had stopped and she felt like she was not moving but it seemed her legs had kept on going forward because Maura appeared closer and closer.

"What are you doing here Jane? And how did you find me?" Maura asked what sounded to Jane like a very cold voice but what she couldn't hear was Maura's heart pounding like crazy in her chest.

"Emma was worried about you, she came to ask me to help", Jane replied, not sure if this was real, or if she was dreaming, maybe even hallucinating.

"Well, tell Emma I'm fine and that she can stop butting in", Maura replied dryly and turned her head towards the sea.

"I've been worried about you too" Jane said quietly.

"Oh, please, you never asked how I was doing, you were too busy having fun with your boyfriend, and you didn't even bother to check if I was alive, if I needed a helping hand. I was fighting to survive the pain you caused when you ripped my heart out and you never even called to check if I was dead or alive. You never even called to apologize!"

"I am sorry, I really, truly am, Maura, I am sorry. I was a fool, and a coward, I didn't know how to deal with everything, it was easier to run" Jane tried explaining.

"Well, good for you. But you see, I couldn't run away from my feelings, they were there, engulfing me, taking my whole life over, paralyzing me and all I could do was try to survive the pain, the pain I was waking up with and going to sleep with. The pain you cannot understand because you don't allow yourself to feel, you run, because you don't dare to feel. And you think I'm weak because I'm not afraid to feel!"

"I don't think you are weak", Jane said quietly.

"Why are you here Jane? You can tell Emma I'm fine and go back to your boyfriend!"

"There's no boyfriend Maura, I broke up with him because I realized I want to be with you, I love you, I want to have kids with you, I want to see if we can have it all and be happy, I just want to be happy with you".

"I was happy! We were happy Jane!", Maura kept on with an upset tone, "We were happy and then you ruined it all! So you don't have a boyfriend anymore, what? I'm supposed to spread my arms and welcome you back like nothing had happened? I can't even begin to understand how you could…" but Maura couldn't finish the sentence, it was too painful to say it out loud.

"How could I what?" Jane asked, she decided she was not going to run away and will face anything Maura would throw at her.

"Sleep with him?" Maura finished her question. "One day you were in bed with me, and a few weeks later you jumped into bed with him, while I was fighting hard to put the pieces of my heart back together."

"I don't know", Jane honestly said, "I just ran, I wanted to have fun to forget about everything and he just came along, I wasn't planning on it, it just happened. Maura, if I could turn back time and change things I would, believe me. But I can't, all I can do is try to make things better now, I might have screwed this up beyond repair but please, give me a second chance, give us a second chance, I miss you and I love you, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"I don't want to listen to this anymore!" Maura got up and passed Jane attempting to leave when Jane grabbed her hand.

"Please Maura, I don't want to live without you, I can't."

"Let go of me!" Maura exclaimed and as she wrestled her hand out of Jane's grip it hit Jane in the ribs on the left side. Jane writhed in pain and let out a painful cry "Ohhhhh!"

"Jane, what's wrong? I didn't hit you that hard!" for the first time Maura noticed how pale and skinny Jane was, her face was drawn and her eyes tired, she looked exhausted. And then suddenly Maura saw bruises on Jane's neck, the medical examiner in her immediately noticed it was a trace of fingers.

"What happened Jane, who attacked you, did someone hurt you!?"

Jane shook her head, "I'm fine, I just need to get some rest. I feel a bit dizzy."

"Come on, let's go inside, you need some food." Maura said as she helped Jane get on her feet. She put her arm around Jane and started walking slowly towards the house. She tried not to think about feeling Jane's body close to hers after such a long time but her heart was involuntarily skipping beats.

Jane felt immensely happy feeling Maura's arm around her, she knew it was ridiculous but she almost felt grateful John had attacked her, because if he hadn't, Maura would not be holding her right now.

"Here, sit down, I'll make you some tea".

"You wouldn't happen to have a beer hiding somewhere in the fridge?" Jane asked in a light tone.

"I'm really not in the mood for your jokes Jane, you cannot joke your way into fixing things." Maura was still not relenting.

"Right, sorry", Jane simply replied and thought to herself R_emember what Susan said, she might need time, at least she did not chase me away._

Maura wasn't sure how to feel, she thought so often of the moment when Jane would come to her and tell her she was wrong and that she did love her and was hoping that moment would come and now when it was happening she was confused, she thought she would be happy and excited but instead she had a mixture of feelings. Her heart was excited but her mind was sending warning signals.

_Jane has put my mind and body through a lot of hardship, cells remember the stress and the pain, and they are being protective,_ Maura was processing her own thoughts while preparing the tea.

"Here's the tea, I'll warm up some food", Maura said not making eye contact.

"Thanks, but I'm really not hung…" Jane started.

"You need to eat, don't be ridiculous!" Maura replied annoyed. She had so much anger inside her and Jane was in such a state that she couldn't yell at her, and all she wanted was to yell and scream to get out all the pain that was lying in her heart.

Jane started sipping on her tea observing Maura, she knew her body language, she knew Maura was angry and she understood why, she understood how it felt, she felt anger so many times in her life as well. So Jane decided to take a step back and let Maura have the space she needed, she continued to drink tea in silence.

Maura put the food on one plate and placed it on the table.

"You can take the room on the left, the bathroom is right across, you will find everything you need inside. I will go out for a walk, don't wait up." Maura simply said and walked out.

Jane took a deep breath looking at the door that closed behind Maura and slowly stood up to walk over to the table. She started eating involuntarily but soon realized she was starving so she finished it all, cleaned up the dishes behind her and went out to the car to get her bag. The evening was magnificent, the smell of pine trees still present, lights of boats floating on the surface in the distance, and calmness all around… crickets making their lovely chirping sound… Jane could imagine sitting outside with Maura, enjoying the serenity and the beauty of the place, Maura with her glass of wine and Jane with her bottle of beer. Jane sighed and took her bag out of the car. _It can still happen, I just have to believe in it,_ she thought to herself and headed towards her room.

When Jane stepped out of the shower it was already dark, the living room was silent and empty. _She's not back yet, _Jane thought and decided to respect Maura's wishes and not wait for her, so she went to bed.

* * *

Maura was sitting by the sea, listening to the waves hit the rocks, it had a calming effect on her. Her dreams are becoming reality and yet she did not feel the happiness she was supposed to feel. _Is it too late?_, she thought. _Maybe we are beyond repair, maybe the pain that she caused destroyed all the trust. _Maura was finding it difficult to reconcile the hope coming out of her heart with the caution her brain was sending. She was not afraid, her heart was not afraid but there was something else standing in the way and Maura couldn't quite understand what it was.

_Is it ego? Do I want to be stubborn? Do I want her to feel the pain I have felt? Do I want her to feel what it is like to be rejected and not appreciated? A part of me wants to go to her, put my arms around her and feel her close but another part of me feels she does not deserve me or my love, what if she hurts me again?_

Yes, a million of thoughts were running through Maura's head and she did not know what to do.

She took out her phone and dialed Emma.

"Finally! Jesus Maura you scared the hell out of me!" Emma said picking up the call.

Maura just said one thing, "She's here."

"It's good that she found you. I thought something had happened to you." Emma replied.

"I'm not so sure" Maura replied.

"Of what?"

"That it's good that she's here."

"I spent hours and days listening to you talking about her being the love of your life, how there's no one that compares to her."

"You're the one who told me to give up and move on, that she's not the only woman in the world."

"Yeah and you kept on saying how you are supposed to wait for your soul mate to find their way back to you."

"Right. I don't know, I'm confused, a part of me is happy, another part is being very cautious."

"Well that's normal my dear. Did you expect to just go back to several months earlier and simply feel like you did then? A lot has happened, and it is not easy to rebuild something that was shattered to the ground. But she's there Maura, your wish has come true, haven't you ever heard the saying _Be careful what you wish for_?"

"Ha, ha very funny Emma, I am not laughing."

"Look, you are being given a chance to make a choice, either you give her, and your relationship a second chance or you walk away. It's in your hands, you have the power to decide what you want. Love has come knocking on your doors, you now need to decide if you will slam the doors shut or let it in. You just need to keep in mind that whichever path you choose it won't be easy. So do you want to choose a path where you are alone and struggling, or where you have her but you're also struggling? It's gonna be a struggle either way."

"Hmmm, yeah, life should be easier, you know" Maura said pensively.

"Well you just have to figure out which path will be easier for you, honey" Emma said. "Look, all I'm gonna say is that you were damn miserable without her, annoyingly miserable. I mean, let's be honest, you were annoying before her as well but…"

"Oh shut up!" Maura couldn't help but laugh.

"Haha, it's nice to hear you laugh, so let me finish, bottom line is no matter how annoying you are I will still put up with you."

Maura laughed wholeheartedly.

"So you think I should give her a chance?" Maura asked.

"Oh no, I am not going there, I'm not gonna tell you what to do so you can later blame it on me. You figure it out, what I can do is go buy a box of wine if you come here wanting to get drunk."

Maura laughed again, "Ok, fine, I'll figure it out."

"Have you spoken to her?" Emma asked cautiously.

"A little bit, but not much", Maura asked sensing there was something behind Emma's question.

"Ok, and… how is she doing?" Emma was worried about Jane as well.

"Something's off with her, she's tired and exhausted, and she has bruises on her neck, painful ribs."

"Hmm…"

"Do you know anything about that?" Maura asked sensing Emma might know.

"Ummm…. yes… but you'll have to talk to her about that."

"Oh, come on, tell me what happened." Maura insisted.

"No, Maura, it's her story to tell, ok? Now off you go, you've got some thinking to do."

Maura rolled her eyes, "Fine" she said with a bit of annoyance in her voice.

"Hey, don't roll your eyes at me! I can feel you doing that all the way from here!" Emma said jokingly making Maura laugh again.

"I wasn't rolling my eyes" Maura replied laughing.

"Liar!" Emma said.

"Ok, maybe a little bit", Maura said still laughing.

"Aha, I knew it! Now go away! I don't want to talk to you anymore" Emma continued with her teasing.

Maura laughed again, "Ok, I'm off, thanks Emma!"

"Any time my dear, you know that!"

"Yes, I do" Maura replied.

"And keep me updated!" Emma yelled before Maura hung up.

Maura stayed at the same place looking into the distance for a bit longer, thinking about what to do.

* * *

"No, get off of me! Stop! You are hurting me!" Maura was woken up by yelling coming out of Jane's room.

"No! Stop! Heeeelp!"

Maura rushed to Jane's room and turned the light on. Jane was sitting in bed, knees pulled close to her body, her forehead resting on them.

"Jane, what's wrong, are you ok?"

No reply. Maura went closer, climbed on the bed and put her hand on Jane's back. Maura felt Jane was trembling and she put her arm around her.

"It's ok, it was just a dream".

Jane turned around and hugged Maura, "Can you please stay here with me, I don't want to be alone, I can't be alone, I need to feel you close to me to feel safe."

Maura was a bit surprised that Jane would ask for attention, she rarely did that, but the truth was it felt good to feel Jane close to her, she wanted to stay so she did, and held Jane as she fell asleep.

* * *

Maura opened her eyes and looked around the room puzzled that it didn't seem familiar. She felt a hand wrapped around her and turned around slowly. Jane moved and was now lying on her back but still sleeping soundly. Maura closed her eyes and opened them again, she wasn't sure if this was real or not, as yesterday's developments started coming back to her. She looked at Jane and noticed the T-shirt she was wearing. _That's my T-shirt, isn't it? _she thought.

Jane opened her eyes and Maura said her thought out loud.

"Is that my T-shirt?"

"Yes, it is, I took it from your apartment, I spent some time there, it was the only place I felt safe lately and your T-shirt was a protective shield I needed."

"What happened, Jane?"

Jane turned on her side so that she was facing Maura.

"Let's not talk about it now, not until you tell me what your decision is. Will you give us another chance? Will you give me a chance to make things right? I made a lot of mistakes Maura, and I wish I could go back and change them but I can't. The only thing I can is promise you I will give my best to show you how much I love you, and how much I want to make things better. You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I want to build future with you. I love you, I don't want to live another second without you."

"I don't know Jane, a part of me wants to just put my arms around you and believe that everything will be fine, but another part feels betrayed." She made a pause and then whispered "I'm not sure I trust you."

"Do you still love me?" Jane asked.

"Of course I still love you, you are the love of my life so far but…"

Jane put her finger on Maura's mouth and interrupted her "Then please give me a chance to try and win your trust back, that's all I'm asking. We can take things slowly, and start rebuilding us, together. I'll babysit on your tortoise, feed him, take care of him, I'll bring breakfast to bed, make you feel special, I'll drink wine with you, I'll go to yoga with you, let them put me in a mud bath again, anything that makes you happy."

Maura smiled "You remembered he's a tortoise", she said melting.

"Of course I remember, Maura. I just sometimes intentionally joked about him being a turtle."

"I miss you making me laugh" Maura said quietly.

"We can add that to the list" Jane replied placing her hand on Maura's. "I miss hearing you citing facts from encyclopedias" Jane said.

"Oh speaking of that, did you know that the whole city of Dubrovnik is a UNESCO World Heritage Site?"

Jane smiled, "No I didn't know that."

"Did you see the Walls of the city? They are magnificent" Maura continued quickly switching into her usual fact-knowing mode.

"No I didn't, but I did see plenty of people dressed in costumes, and Game of Thrones fan T-shirts."

"Oh, yes they film the show there. It's the filming site for King's Landing and some other things."

"You watch Game of Thrones?" Jane asked surprised and loving hearing Maura talk about such Wikipedia facts.

"Oh, no, too violent for my taste, but I read about it. We should go there tomorrow, you have to see the city!" Maura said all excited.

"Does that mean…, what I think it means?" Jane asked cautiously.

"Oh, well, ummm… I guess…?" Maura replied a bit surprised herself how quickly she could feel comfortable with Jane. "But small steps…, we take things slowly, ok?"

"Ok, slowly." Jane smiled as her heart jumped with happiness. "I'll be like a tortoise."

Maura laughed.

"Thank you" Jane said placing her hand on Maura's cheek and caressing it.

"Thank you for coming to your senses" Maura replied.

Jane laughed.

"Now, tell me what happened? You do realize I know the bruises on your neck are traces of fingers?"

Jane turned to her back and took a deep breath before exhaling heavily. "Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes", Maura said and Jane started explaining what happened.

* * *

"And why did you not want to tell me that before I made the decision about us?" Maura asked, her hand squeezing Jane's.

Jane looked at her, "I know you Maura, you would have decided to give me a chance to protect me and take care of me. I did not want it to influence your decision. I wanted you to give me a chance because you wanted to, not because you felt obligated to help me."

"Well, we both have wounds to be healed, I'll help you heal yours and you help me heal mine" Maura said softly.

Jane smiled and looked at Maura "I love you".

"For someone who wasn't sure about her feelings you sure do say it often now" Maura replied.

"Since when did you get a sense of humor?" Jane said jokingly.

"Maybe some of Emma's vibe rubbed off on me".

Jane smiled.

"I missed that smile." Maura said "And I love you too."

Jane smiled again and put her hand on Maura's face again. She paused for a moment, feeling nervous but then told the fear to go away as she leaned in and placed her lips on Maura's. It felt familiar but also somehow new. Jane felt her body react to the touch of Maura's lips and hear heart and soul smiled. _She is the one_ Jane thought to herself _I am never again letting you go Maura Isles_.

Maura was taken by surprise when Jane leaned in, there was a moment of panic but she didn't have time to escape as Jane's lips touched hers in a blink of an eye. She felt butterflies in her stomach when Jane's tongue slightly brushed hers and she gave in to the kiss and responded to it passionately. Jane took courage and moved her hand underneath Maura's silk pajamas managing to touch her bare stomach before Maura slapped her hand.

"That's not taking it slowly detective Rizzoli!"

"Right, sorry." Jane replied. "We'll take it slowly. Let's go have coffee outside and enjoy this wonderful island. I love the smell of pine trees here", Jane said getting out of bed.

"I know, it's amazing, isn't it!" Maura replied.

"And we can also talk about the children we're going to have, I've been thinking how I would love a little Maura running around, being all smartass with me and reciting facts from encyclopedias." Jane said heading out of the room.

"Hey, how is that taking it slowly!" Maura yelled after her "And maybe I would like a little Jane running around!"

"My child would be impossible to handle" Jane yelled back, "She would drive me nuts! And you too!"

"Oh, I think I can handle a Rizzoli woman!" Maura replied smiling and following Jane out.

* * *

_**Voila! The end! At least I think so ;-), I'm considering a third and final sequel but I need to see if I have enough ideas for another story, and round it all up nicely or will I add a few more chapters here…**_

_**A big thanks again for the support and to those who decided to stick with the story even though at the beginning it was dark and hard to read. As for why it took this long to write… I started this story when my own heart got broken, and all my dreams shattered into pieces, the life circumstances that followed lead me to a serious state of depression, and it has taken me a long time to battle my way out of it all. Finishing this story in the past weeks has really helped me finally feel excited and happy again :-). If anyone of you is going through a rough time, needs someone to talk to, listen to you and give you support feel free to PM me :-). **_

_**Special thanks to KSHAY89 for commenting on almost every chapter :-).**_

_**And to all those who read it all - I hope it was worth the journey.**_


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